If I had a Penny...

If I had a penny for everytime I read from a girl about how they cannot be a Lolita I would be a very rich girl. When I read them the things I read are "I cannot be one because I cannot afford brand dresses..." Why do you need to own brand? I know their items are appealing gosh do I know that they are! I know that feeling I get from owning one too and I can tell you it's like eating chips or something decadent that you cannot get enough of! You are never satisfied with just one! I'm not joking, have you seen brand girls buy just one dress even after they say that one is their dream dress? I know I haven't...Sometimes yes I do feel ashamed of myself for thinking this way!

I have to admit I love the coordinates they place out there. I may not be a Sweet Lolita myself but I enjoy a well placed ensemble just like any girl who loves cute things! Yet I have to admit Lolita is not about just rolling into say Baby, the Stars Shine Bright and buying the coordinate that is made in the same print and colours! If I also had a penny for every time a girl said this I would be a millionare! Lolita is about being creative and showing the world you can make do with what you have even on a budget! I dont own coordinates that match and if I did I think I would be untrue to myself. Lolita is about mixing and matching and showing your pride in yourself.



If I had a penny for everytime a girl cried that something did not fit, I would be sadly rich. This is why I say there is more to Lolita than brand...If you cannot fit brand that should not stop you from being Lolita! It should encourage you to look for other options out there. There are soo many good handmade and custom sizing sites out there that I am shocked that people even want just brand anymore...I want something one of a kind and just for me and these sites seem to answer my needs! The beauty of these sites are they carry every size and are willing to make it in your size as well!

So as I sit here saying if I had a penny for everytime I hear that... Maybe it's those thoughts that keep me being Lolita. I have never let anyone stop me for my size, or just because they hate me. If they do that is seriously their problem and they need to grow up! What makes them more Lolita than I am? Nothing...in fact it just shows they arent being very Lolita like at all!

Weird Thoughts

As of lately I have been having stranger and stranger thoughts. Not just about what is going on in the world today and not just because I am a little sick as of late! but due to the thought of Angelic Pretty bringing out their new line of Classic Lolita dresses... It's all making my head and heart go fuzzy!

I mean I know that in Japan currently from what my Izumi and Yume-chama say Classic Lolita style is on the rise again. So why shouldn't Angelic Pretty keep up with the supply and demand of it all? Right? My weird thought of it all is why didn't they just try to keep an open mind to all the different types of Lolitas out there in the first place? I mean sure Sweet Lolita to me is so cute to look at but I dont know if I'd look good wearing an OTT Sweet Lolita outfit...

Look at these beautiful dresses, dont they just make a Classic Lolita's mouth water?



All this news was enough to make my fever rise...I was ok with not liking their OTT prints. I was ok with living without wanting their brand! I was absoluetly fine with knowing how Asuka is super uber thin and it's gobsmackingly scary thin! I was fine with my size, my measurements, my weight, and even people teasing me about it. Then as my fever grew so did my anger! I heard and remembered every insult from every person who ever hated me from when I was 3 years old til now echo in my ears...

It hurt sure it did but, you know what made me survive 13 years of being a Lolita? Being a Lolita in secret is what helped me survive 13 years. So whatever that "Juni" girl says or other wise, she never went to school with me and I do have proof it's called the slim 5% of my facebook who are asking who you are...They all still do not remember you and if in fact you did exsist then you are one of the biggest liars there is cause those classes you describe I never had those years you say I had them! I kept my old High School Schedules and sadly...those classes were not there!

So I digress on that subject so that whoever did write that sludge doesnt get a swelled head with pride that she thinks she damaged me in anyway... So yes, I heard every mean thing echo from my past and it just caused me to hate everyone I've met in life all over again. All the girls I've made peace with I've asked why did you say those things about me like "Gorilla Girl" or "Rhino" etc...One girl was man enough to give an answer and I'm glad she did cause all the others just damn well lost and trust they had with me.

Her answer was simple and a little strange for me to hear "I never thought you'd ever hear those words and really I thought that I had to say it to fit in with the in crowd but really you were always cool or different and no one understood you so they were always mean to you cause they couldnt understand why you never stayed down when they teased you!"

Such petty things makes me think about how things are turning out in Lolita. I sometimes do read the Lolita secrets threads. It makes me sick to think that I am a Lolita who values old school ways yet, it is the new school girls making up new rules... It makes me fear that soon no one but the tiny can be Lolita...If you noticed how I was attacked on my own blog? It is as if I cannot be a different kind of Lolita, a different breed even!

I never claimed to be the very first Lolita in Hawaii and for one special reason. If they did their research which obviously these people did not Lolita has been around since the 1970's so how could I be the very first Lolita in Hawaii? No point to say I am because it has been here via Japanese Tourist and Immigrants! So whoever you are get your facts right if you say that girl loved Malice Mizer since she was 5 then that is a lie because Gackt was not the first lead singer like you said he was....

Once again I digress, as I continue to hear these mean words echo I remember why I meet such lovely people in life. I have met losers, "bitches", meanies, theives, and userpers in my life but for everyone that leaves me after using me a good person fills that spot! That person brings bigger joy to my life than that other person did and it goes to show you that it was that person before putting me in that rut in the first place! Yet, this time hearing these words echo in halls of my mind no matter how much I over look it...It got me! Tooth and nail I can fight this monster yet it is not going to let me go!

I stand back and hear every word said about me. Sometimes it hurts and yet I let it bounce off. This time I dont know if I can with how much I want and with how much anger I have inside me. It seems my dream of being ok with my self is dying. Why? One reason, it takes one straw to break a camel's back. So what if I dont want to be the "ugly girl" for the rest of my life? Why do I feel so lowly about myself? Maybe it has to do with all they crap people do to me...All I know is I'm rather tired of being picked on for being me! For being Hawaiian! I do have large bones and I am rather boney but I guess all people see is colour...

So to change this and to stop the stupidity of others I'm just going to loose all this god damn weight and show the damn world they cant have me...They cant have another victim! No not this Lolita, not this girl! Who ever wants they can try but this tower is not going to get knocked over! This panda princess is not going to turn her cheek from people hurting herself as well anymore! You want a spotlight and an opera you're gonna get one with a huge audience and perhaps you might not like the spotlight cause I'll make sure it burns! Like the pain you have all caused me and others!

Lolita should be pretty not petty! We should not be turning our heads to other's needs. We need to be helping out our fellow sisters. We need to show those who think they are alone that they are not alone! Who is with me? Let's start that change today! Let's be our own embassadors of cute! Let's be our own spokes people of cute and inspire others to try and be role models to!

Sweet Vices

As I've noticed from my friends and sisters we all have sweet vices. Whether we collect pictures of cute food, or dolls, or perhaps even watching movies, and so on. I know what my sweet vice is...I have many and they all seem to make me very happy! I am absolutely happy to share with you what a few of my vices are!



One of them perhaps you have noticed is collecting cute photos. I love them so much it makes me happy to see beautiful photos. I also love collecting photos of other Lolitas from Japan. I love how they display themself and show proper ettiquette. It should also be seen as a guideline and not just as a style guide. We shouldn't just be using their photos to say "I wish I were 'kawaii desu'" or "I wish I could be dress like that!" We need to be using their photos as a way to see how to hold ourself and not just be outfit envious!





Another vice of my own is photos of cute food. I can not resist a good looking photo of pretty food! Especially when it looks beautifully arranged in gorgeous lighting. I've been known for taking photos of my food but none compare to the beauty of a gourmet strawberry shortcake!





Have you ever just loved collecting art? I do! I especially love fantasy art and anything basically that catches my eyes! Like so:





My final vice! I love dolls, I have soo many Pullips and well I cannot help myself. I just recently came across these dolls Monster High! I love the very concept of them! It just seems soo adorable my favorite monster movies being Daddies! I'm growing fond of Ghoulia Yelps, Draculara, Frankie <3, and Lagoona Blue. I really do want these dolls let's see how long it will take me to get them!





I hope you guys have something that makes you all happy and hold on to it! You never know when you'll need the pick me up! Well this concludes my weird thought of the day. Thank you once more for sipping tea with me! With Love, The Panda Princess <3

Yes I do...Have Pet Peeves too...

On the topic of seeing gorgeous Lolita photos, I also come across bad ones as well. What makes them bad photos usually because, the photographer does not know what to do with the model. Yet, the same things happen in these photos that I see! No matter how much brand you have on. No matter how much you are packing on to your body it does not make up for bad posture!

My pet peeves sprout mostly from my years of going to finishing school, and learning ettiquette and manners. I must admit that yes everyone wants to feel lady like and preech to me what it means to be lady like without thinking...perhaps I already know those things. It really does get to me and now is the time I think I brought it up.

Usually I like to keep kind words and speak only in niceities but there are times where I find myself thinking quite the opposite. Don't you? This blog is more a guide line so please do not be offended or hurt by what I am going to say in this one. I think it is time that we start waking up and start noticing playing and pretending to be ladies only while being dressed in Lolita is not something you should be doing! It should be carried at all times in what ever clothing you wear and no matter what kind of dress you wear as well!



Pet Peeve number one: A lady never folds her legs while she sits. This is something that was beaten into me. A lady never crosses on leg over the other especially while sitting in a dress! It is tacky and untasteful and looks plain sloppy. I will tell you why, when you cross your leg like that you leave a good gap showing your business to the world and a lady even not in Lolita should never do that!

Solution: Start practicing now by crossing your ankles! One infront of the other and you will notice the burn in your thighs from this! It is also exercising your thigh muscles in an isometric hold! You will also feel it in your back if you are sitting properly which brings me to the next pet peeve!

Pet Peeve number two: Stand up straight! I shows confidence, poise, and self awareness. It also ensures that your dresses do not get wrinkled! A wrinkled dress equals a hot looking mess! This is right up there with the leg crossing because, most Ameri-loli photos I see, I see gorgeous and flattering girls but they are hunched over......Why do you ladies slouch so much?

Solution: Rocking Horse Shoes, or heels of any size help remind you to stand straight. It also elongates your body and makes your legs look nicer too!Yes they will hurt but who said that being "kawaii" or just plain beautiful did not come at a price! If you cannot wear heels the whole time sitting helps in intervals.

Pet Peeve Number Three: Claiming that Mana-sama is the creator of Lolita. (This one is more a complaint!) I love Mana-sama as much as the next Lolita but, he did not start the Lifestyle and Fashions himself. He just made them more aware to the public as he used them for Vkei costumes. He brought Lolita out of the 1907's and 1980's styles and made it more 1990's friendly. He also made the Gothic AND Lolita Bibles to show the world that hey we have stuff for you out there, here is how to get to our shops!



Solution: Brush up on your Lolita History. There are plenty of girls out there who know the story! Even a few Live Journal Ladies know the History as well and have it posted on their personal sites!




Please do not get mad at me for voicing what I see wrong. I only posted my top three because the others are not really realated to Lolita at all. They are just regular pet peeves. I just want to say to remember these and you will start to notice your confidence levels sky rocket! Thank you for sipping tea with me and sitting through this uncomfortable issue! With Love the Panda Princess <3

In the Spolight: Samantha Rei & Blasphemina's Closet

I am a classic lolita and a plus sized one at that. Finding the best in classic looks are rather difficult with the Sweet Lolita trend on the rise. As I look for Classic Lolita I am slowly realizing I love a good steampunk outfit as well... Well nothing pleases me more than to show you with giddy girly delight the newly updated Blasphemina's Closet! Please Click Pandy-chama to go to her website! <3

I am really very giddy about this as I have seen her items before in the English Gothic and Lolita Bibles! I was excited for her brand the first time I laid eyes on it which was about the same time the English Bibles had come out. At that time she had a Myspace and that is how she got word out about her brand, from there I joined in on Tokyo Pop's Forums and found out that she would have a full featured spread! I was excited I think I almost popped!

Oh yeah did I mention she has an Etsy? Yes, It's true! and I happen to have a link here to one of the best Etsy shops I love! Please Click Pucca to go to her Etsy! :

For me her Brand is an American lolita wonder land she offers custom sizes and preset sizes and she also offers Steampunk items as well. I think more girls should look in to alternative awesomly gorgeous brands and not just what Japan can offer us but what girls in our very own backyard can too!

Thank you soo much for sipping tea with me on this special posting! With Love Especially to you Miss Samantha and a Big Kiss too from the Panda Princess <3

Novala Gave me Hope...

As I've said in past blog posts I did not have Live Journal when I first started Lolita. I did not have these wonderful sites that we have today that I continue to read even if I do not agree on what I read. The person who taught me how to be the best Lolita I could be was a man. I have to say he was good at teaching what he taught too!

His teachings taught me that it had nothing really to do with just dressing up that made me Lolita...It has everything to do with who I am in side. How I hold my self outside and all the choices I make. Believe me I've been to finishing school and this turning a cheek and looking the other way is not the proper thing to do. A lady will write a letter to the papers and will use a pen name like I do and not use name but photos and and bring to the attention that this person is a cad, or a liar and so on... Yet, I digress on that subject this is a matter of origins not what makes me.

So for those who do not know who Takemoto Novala is yet do not worry I have photos. Here he is betwixt the fabulous Sachi and Yuka. Here he is promoting Baby: This Prince of a boy/brolita gave me hope that anyone could be a Lolita. Yet for those who know what he is famous for and what had happened to his career, I still believe that it was a fluke and out of the hundreds of Celebrities that are caught doing disgusting things and still praised why should he not be praised still?

My thoughts on him getting arrested for canibus was along the lines the same as the rest of the world. I was shocked and angry maybe a little sickened that my mentor had done a big No No in brand none the less... Then I got to thinking what he does in his personal time is none of my business and perhaps I should not have been so angry...I went back to reading his novels and poems and even his diarys. I then started to see that he is human too and I should not put people on such high pedastals so they could fall so hard.

I just wish more people would be impressed with his works and not with disappointed with him. Yet we grow older and I would like to think that as we grow older we start to know the difference and notice that the world is missing things in it. I think the Lolita Bibles are poorer in knowledge for letting him go as a writer. If you look at if from my mountains or hills you'd see why...We have a lot of girls who need his hope and mentoring to teach them how to be Lolitas again...It's not just about being cute princesses or running around like Momoko from his most famous story...he once told us it started here:in our hearts...Maybe we should start doing that again? Thank you for sipping tea with me through this long journey! With Love, The Panda Princess<3

I get that way too!

I know there are days where I can be soo inspiring and just soar off the heat I get fed for me size. Yet, there is a way to set me on a sad mood and now I'll share with you what made me try to be the better Lolita. I am going to share with you what made me say I am not going to let anymore girls feel the way I felt four years ago at the Kawaii Kon (Hawaii's Anime Convention).

For those who do know me personally I have been a Lolita for 13 years now. I have been hiding it for good chunk of my life due to people hurting me and ripping apart my dresses out of pure jealousy. So hiding it is and was easier for me rather than getting beaten up daily and coming home with broken $200+ dresses...Yet, this is not what started me in the path I decided to take.

It was 2006 and Kawaii Kon had finally moved to the Hawaii Convention Center. They thought they would introduce a few new things like Lolita...I was excited and I decided to wear a 1998 old school star print Metamorphose JSK to the convention. I felt so excited to be there in Lolita and to see a few other Lolitas in Brand as well made me so excited! I remember meeting this girl who said "Oh! You should come by my friend's booth you'd really love it!" So I thought to myself sure! I'd love to meet more Lolitas in Hawaii. Of course little did I know that this would be the start of a path I would hate.

You see back then I was 360lbs and the Meta dress I have is from the old school days of when you go to the store they could make the dress for you and no extra cost. I obliged and met up with the young lady's friend and there she was...I thought to myself she is really cute no question about it. Then as I approached the table her smile faded and her mouth opened and the foulest thing came out of it! "OH! Um...If you're trying to be a Lolita...*giggle* which judging by that poorly replicated dress you are...You're a little too fat to be Lolita! Nice try!" and she cackled...Her friend was on the plus size side too and I looked at her and thought wow...for someone who is supposed to be Lolita...You arent very nice...Then I took a look at her in her Angelic Pretty Cinderella's Dream OP and realized wait...what is this girl talking about? She's not thin herself! Her waist bow was about 4 inches under her boobs and she squeezed into that dress...

So I blew off what ever she threw at me on that day and sai you know whatever maybe she's stressed out because she had the panel coming up! Which was the next day...So the next day I decided to wear my Moi Meme Moite jsk...She didnt think it was brand as well...she called it "A nice Ebay Replica" even with the tag sticking out of the back! Like I said I got these back in the day when you could pay the stores either extra to make a custom sized dress or some stores seen it as a service...I wished her luck with her Panel she gave me a hug and said "Thank you! No one said that yet!"

Then this is where it set me on my path...So we went to that panel...about 100+ people showed up...I didnt realize how many would and then she started the slide show....a light pink back ground with white letterings? I was not the only person standing to see the presentation...Yet something felt wrong...Something felt off about her words...she started talking about brand shopping "So when you buy from brand shops, they only sell stuff in one size! So too bad if you are fat beacause you'll have to squeez in to the dresses and cry because you are soo fat!" I then turned my attention from the screen to where she was and her she was staring right at me...amongst 100+ people why me or in my direction?

I then got my friends and left in rage...I wanted to do such unlolita like things like yell profanity, flip her off, or even perhaps throw my shoe at her...Instead as soon as I walked outside of the room I ran off...to a remote area to cry...I remember I cried soo hard and called my self so many names in the book "ita", "fatty", "ugly" believing her...and thinking to myself "wow...I must be that hiddeous..." Then it did not help that there is a girl with a group of her friends down here on the tear to deface my name...calling me all those words and whats worse is they all play innocent to others...Saying I'm the liar...or the fake...when I havent been!

So after that I set out trying to make a group to set things right...that didnt work out in Hawaii. For one reason, everyone wants to be apart of the "it" crowd...Everyone wants to be apart of the Angelic Pretty craze too down here...and it doesnt help me one bit at all when I go on to Angelic Pretty's Blog and the very Liar and meanie is there standing next to Asuka like they are bffs... Here she is the girl who called me too fat for Lolita:

For a while I contemplated on leaving Lolita all together and letting it sink and die in Hawaii...Because of all these subsitute sweeteners who call them self princesses...I dont think this is at our convention center but she claimed it was for a while here she is in the front with the smug ugly face of I'm better than you in the light blue, on Asuka's head table:

Seeing photos like these start reminding me about those ugly unhappy feelings...I haven't felt those in soo long. I haven't cried over what she has said about me in over 4 years till today. The thought about Angelic Pretty Supporting such mean girls and having them as Honorary princesses makes me think...I dont want to Love Angelic Pretty anymore...It makes me feel like I did when they made the change to their new prints...Disappointed in their brand...It makes me feel like declining every tea party they invite me to knowing that she is one of the girls they support...

What will happen to my love for them? Who knows...All I know is people like this girl make me who I am today! Girls like this shape girls like me into either quiting Lolita, or drive them into hating Lolita...I try not to give her that power over me. Like I said maybe one day I can sip tea with girls and guys of all shapes and sizes dressed like AP cookie cutter clones like this:

Until that day we all have to deal with people telling us no we cant! People telling us we are Liars...Yet, one thing will always remain...the truth is with you...inside your heart! Thank you for sipping tea with me on such a sad day for me, knowing you know what I have said makes me feel that much better! With love <3 The Panda Princess <3

Honey Picnic Love

So today I got a surprise visit by the Mail Fairy called my postal service person<3. She delivered me a parcel that came in a small black Metamorphose package with my name on it. The nice lady says you must be very loved or very lucky! I said "both and almost cried..."

Who would have thought that this tiny little parcel would bring me such joy? I havent taken my own photos of my pretty clip but I intend to do so when my dress arrives. Yes I said when my dress arrives...I bought the dress that matches too! I dont know what I was thinking...It could be the slight pressure of Sweet Loltia closing in on me...or...It could have been a sudden realization of I own ownly one Printed dress and that dress needed a sister. This dress for me is going to the start in my change; a change that I think is perhaps over due...
One day this may lead me to wearing my full Lolita wig again...perhaps it may even spark me into loving a whole new line of lolita? I think the world needs to see more sweetness dont you?

I'd love to see more "lovely sized" sweet lolitas eating sweets, and enjoying themself in the sweet decadence of brand like this:

Maybe one day soon! ^-^ Until tomorrow or unless I think of more things to write about. Thank you for sipping tea with me<3 The Panda Princess<3

My Sweet Tooth

So first and foremost I am a tea princess so yes I love my tea and my sweets. I get a little, no not a little long in the tooth when it comes to such gorgeous sweets I get very long in the too when I see decdence!

Who can help themself seeing such beauty? I know I cannot...That is why I love Lolita sooo much! It is like seeing these cakes and cookies and platters of puddings! It is like seeing such sticky sweet things on parade yet on girls. Such beautiful things not matter what brand it is...I love it! I dont care if it's a homemade ensamble or not just that you wear it with pride...

The thing about being a plus size lolita is you end up appriciating the beauty of every brand, every type of dress, made for every type of girl. Deep down I wish I looked like this:An Angelic Pretty Clone Doll...Skinny and beautiful just like the rest of the so called community but I'm not so I'll make do with what I have...I dont mind that I'm not that type of beautiful...I do sometimes cry about it beacause I think about how many girls are judged by this.

I think to myself that the standard of our beauty is now judged by more so what brand we imitate rather than how we are. What we are like and how much our personality sparkles! I would like to think that one day there will a revolution and Lolita will go back to the old ways where they catered to Plus Sizes...Perhaps maybe oneday girls wont be teased beacause it wont be about glitter and glamour so much as it would be about being you like it was...

My assignment to you all now...take a step back in time before the Angelic Pretty craze and think back to when you first heard about Lolita! Remember about it! Ok good...you are remembering those feelings? Now remember seeing your first Lolita dress? That feeling, what was it? Excitement? Sadness? What was it? Just think back to what made you want to start Lolita! Now say to your self your goal again! Take a Deep Breath and smile at your self in the Mirror and say: "I am worthy of being a Lolita! No matter who say's I'm not!" Feels good doesnt it? I know it does, this is what helps remind me that there are girls out there who need my help! Girls out there who too like me have a sweet tooth for things sweet and beautiful!

Now go on out there and conqure whatever wall it is blocking your path! Thanks for sipping tea with me<3 With Love the Panda Princess!