Weird Thoughts

As of lately I have been having stranger and stranger thoughts. Not just about what is going on in the world today and not just because I am a little sick as of late! but due to the thought of Angelic Pretty bringing out their new line of Classic Lolita dresses... It's all making my head and heart go fuzzy!

I mean I know that in Japan currently from what my Izumi and Yume-chama say Classic Lolita style is on the rise again. So why shouldn't Angelic Pretty keep up with the supply and demand of it all? Right? My weird thought of it all is why didn't they just try to keep an open mind to all the different types of Lolitas out there in the first place? I mean sure Sweet Lolita to me is so cute to look at but I dont know if I'd look good wearing an OTT Sweet Lolita outfit...

Look at these beautiful dresses, dont they just make a Classic Lolita's mouth water?



All this news was enough to make my fever rise...I was ok with not liking their OTT prints. I was ok with living without wanting their brand! I was absoluetly fine with knowing how Asuka is super uber thin and it's gobsmackingly scary thin! I was fine with my size, my measurements, my weight, and even people teasing me about it. Then as my fever grew so did my anger! I heard and remembered every insult from every person who ever hated me from when I was 3 years old til now echo in my ears...

It hurt sure it did but, you know what made me survive 13 years of being a Lolita? Being a Lolita in secret is what helped me survive 13 years. So whatever that "Juni" girl says or other wise, she never went to school with me and I do have proof it's called the slim 5% of my facebook who are asking who you are...They all still do not remember you and if in fact you did exsist then you are one of the biggest liars there is cause those classes you describe I never had those years you say I had them! I kept my old High School Schedules and sadly...those classes were not there!

So I digress on that subject so that whoever did write that sludge doesnt get a swelled head with pride that she thinks she damaged me in anyway... So yes, I heard every mean thing echo from my past and it just caused me to hate everyone I've met in life all over again. All the girls I've made peace with I've asked why did you say those things about me like "Gorilla Girl" or "Rhino" etc...One girl was man enough to give an answer and I'm glad she did cause all the others just damn well lost and trust they had with me.

Her answer was simple and a little strange for me to hear "I never thought you'd ever hear those words and really I thought that I had to say it to fit in with the in crowd but really you were always cool or different and no one understood you so they were always mean to you cause they couldnt understand why you never stayed down when they teased you!"

Such petty things makes me think about how things are turning out in Lolita. I sometimes do read the Lolita secrets threads. It makes me sick to think that I am a Lolita who values old school ways yet, it is the new school girls making up new rules... It makes me fear that soon no one but the tiny can be Lolita...If you noticed how I was attacked on my own blog? It is as if I cannot be a different kind of Lolita, a different breed even!

I never claimed to be the very first Lolita in Hawaii and for one special reason. If they did their research which obviously these people did not Lolita has been around since the 1970's so how could I be the very first Lolita in Hawaii? No point to say I am because it has been here via Japanese Tourist and Immigrants! So whoever you are get your facts right if you say that girl loved Malice Mizer since she was 5 then that is a lie because Gackt was not the first lead singer like you said he was....

Once again I digress, as I continue to hear these mean words echo I remember why I meet such lovely people in life. I have met losers, "bitches", meanies, theives, and userpers in my life but for everyone that leaves me after using me a good person fills that spot! That person brings bigger joy to my life than that other person did and it goes to show you that it was that person before putting me in that rut in the first place! Yet, this time hearing these words echo in halls of my mind no matter how much I over look it...It got me! Tooth and nail I can fight this monster yet it is not going to let me go!

I stand back and hear every word said about me. Sometimes it hurts and yet I let it bounce off. This time I dont know if I can with how much I want and with how much anger I have inside me. It seems my dream of being ok with my self is dying. Why? One reason, it takes one straw to break a camel's back. So what if I dont want to be the "ugly girl" for the rest of my life? Why do I feel so lowly about myself? Maybe it has to do with all they crap people do to me...All I know is I'm rather tired of being picked on for being me! For being Hawaiian! I do have large bones and I am rather boney but I guess all people see is colour...

So to change this and to stop the stupidity of others I'm just going to loose all this god damn weight and show the damn world they cant have me...They cant have another victim! No not this Lolita, not this girl! Who ever wants they can try but this tower is not going to get knocked over! This panda princess is not going to turn her cheek from people hurting herself as well anymore! You want a spotlight and an opera you're gonna get one with a huge audience and perhaps you might not like the spotlight cause I'll make sure it burns! Like the pain you have all caused me and others!

Lolita should be pretty not petty! We should not be turning our heads to other's needs. We need to be helping out our fellow sisters. We need to show those who think they are alone that they are not alone! Who is with me? Let's start that change today! Let's be our own embassadors of cute! Let's be our own spokes people of cute and inspire others to try and be role models to!